Right now I'm on my week off of Taxol. I'm scheduled to see Esplin next Tuesday and do another infusion.
I'm scheduled, but right now our country is in chaos. We're all self isolating and social distancing because of the Coronavirus. I am in the "at risk" category because of stupid cancer. In addition to not having school or church, we are also not doing friends.
I'm not too scared that I'm going to get it. I hope I don't and I don't know what my body would do if I did, but I am concerned that I won't be able to get my chemo treatment. They're really cracking down and closing up places. I got a message this morning from Revere Health that some appointments could be cancelled. We also had an earthquake this morning. Sheesh
The other day I had a weird experience. I think it was Thursday or Friday and we were getting all this information about school's closing and so much stuff about the virus and I was so full of that, that I forgot about Cancer. For the first time in a long time, I forgot about Cancer. The reason I know I forgot is that I then remembered.
Remembering is like when you wake up and think it was a bad dream and then realize that it's not. It's real. And it hurts so bad. It's a rush of emotions all at once and it's hard.
I was on facebook and I saw a post from a gal that I've never met, was planning on meeting soon, and is a year ahead of me in this journey and lives right here in my city. She started on taxol in February and the Taxol actually stimulated the growth of her liver tumors and she is now in liver failure and have been given about 3-5 weeks to live.
She has the exact same mets as me. Bones and liver. She is a member of my church and believes as I do about life after death. She never married and is around 42 years old.
It hit me like a boulder. I got scared and I cried and went to that dark place. I crawled out fast, because I dd not want to stay there. It scared me. and I've been trying to detach from it.
Now I am facilitating school to 4 kids and trying to figure out what is going on in the world. A little secret I have is that I have kind of wanted the end of the world or the Second Coming to happen....I've been hoping that it will come sooner than later so that I won't have to die and leave my family. So my girls and Kevin won't have to worry about losing me. I'm sure this is all a sign of the times, but theres's still so much that needs to happen for the end is here.
I sound like a real downer today.......maybe cause it's rainy and we've been locked inside.
I'm doing okay and I'm hopeful and anxious to find out what my body is doing with this cancer. I hope that it's kicking it's butt. I hope and pray that my tumors are getting weaker and dumber and won't be able to hold on any longer and just dissolve away. I'm hoping and that's good.
I'm not too scared that I'm going to get it. I hope I don't and I don't know what my body would do if I did, but I am concerned that I won't be able to get my chemo treatment. They're really cracking down and closing up places. I got a message this morning from Revere Health that some appointments could be cancelled. We also had an earthquake this morning. Sheesh
The other day I had a weird experience. I think it was Thursday or Friday and we were getting all this information about school's closing and so much stuff about the virus and I was so full of that, that I forgot about Cancer. For the first time in a long time, I forgot about Cancer. The reason I know I forgot is that I then remembered.
Remembering is like when you wake up and think it was a bad dream and then realize that it's not. It's real. And it hurts so bad. It's a rush of emotions all at once and it's hard.
I was on facebook and I saw a post from a gal that I've never met, was planning on meeting soon, and is a year ahead of me in this journey and lives right here in my city. She started on taxol in February and the Taxol actually stimulated the growth of her liver tumors and she is now in liver failure and have been given about 3-5 weeks to live.
She has the exact same mets as me. Bones and liver. She is a member of my church and believes as I do about life after death. She never married and is around 42 years old.
It hit me like a boulder. I got scared and I cried and went to that dark place. I crawled out fast, because I dd not want to stay there. It scared me. and I've been trying to detach from it.
Now I am facilitating school to 4 kids and trying to figure out what is going on in the world. A little secret I have is that I have kind of wanted the end of the world or the Second Coming to happen....I've been hoping that it will come sooner than later so that I won't have to die and leave my family. So my girls and Kevin won't have to worry about losing me. I'm sure this is all a sign of the times, but theres's still so much that needs to happen for the end is here.
I sound like a real downer today.......maybe cause it's rainy and we've been locked inside.
I'm doing okay and I'm hopeful and anxious to find out what my body is doing with this cancer. I hope that it's kicking it's butt. I hope and pray that my tumors are getting weaker and dumber and won't be able to hold on any longer and just dissolve away. I'm hoping and that's good.
