PET scan #2

So after Dr. Esplin literally fought with the insurance medical director and they sought a second opinion and after being approved and then the approval retracted twice, I finally went in for my second PET scan.

Pretty  much the same as last time. I found out the reason they don't let anyone in there with you or let you read or do anything, is because reading causes the sugar from the drink to go to my brain because it's more active.  They want as much of it as possible to go to the tumors. 

Had to wait the weekend, and got the results Monday night.

The results are mixed. Some good, some the same and some worse with a few new lesions.  I feel discouraged.  I was hoping for at least stable. 

The new plan of action is to put me into medically induced menopause by giving me shots to shut down my ovaries.

I also went in for a blood draw for Foundation one testing. I am not quite sure what this is yet, but I think it's kind of test that shows what certain drugs work best with your DNA.

So I will get a shot on Monday and continue Tamoxifen for another month and then when the Foundation one testing is in he'll switch from Tamoxifen to a different one.

I'm feeling discouraged and scared. I know it's not terrible news, but it is.  All cancer news is negative news.....unless it's positive :) All my "what if's surface." All my fears of the unknown start yelling at me in my head.  All my emotions about leaving my family, causing pain for my family, feeling like a burden to my family come to the surface and I mourn.

So I'll take a few days to feel it and then get back on the horse with a positive attitude.

Little of this, little of that

I've kind of been MIA from this blog......mostly because I'm busy with my kids and that's where I want to spend my time, but also because nothing is really new.

I had my Dr. appt. last Wednesday. It went pretty well. My tumor markers are still going up which worries me, but also he says that can also go up when they are being killed because they're released into your blood stream. 

He has ordered a PET scan for me and my insurance has approved it. I'm just waiting for the Huntsman Cancer institute to call for my appointment. I'm nervous, but mostly glad that I get to know what's going on.

Dr. Esplin says that we can always hope for shrinkage, but at this early in the game, we should hope for at least "stable"  That means no growth and probably no shrinkage  I'm really hoping at least for that, cause I'm tolerating my drugs so well that I hate to change them and have new ones not agree with me as well.

The past couple of New testament classes at church have been difficult for me as we've talked about the atonement and our trials.

All along, I have prayed for miracles and added that I would like to be blessed to be content with what he has planned for me....to want what He wants for me.  Right now, I'm not okay with the thought of dying, but if it's His will, then I'd like to get to a point of truly being able to say Nevertheless, not my will, but thine.

Even the Savior asked 3 times if it were possible to not have to drink of the cup, but he did it willingly anyway.  And what he was about to endure was a billion billion times worse than anything I will have to endure. Still, I'm struggling truly being okay with it.....especially since I don't know yet what His plans for me really are.