I had a mini break down last Monday as the negativity was building for a couple days. So I called Uncle Lynn in tears.
I described to him how I'm trying to eat right and exercise, but how some days I hardly walk down the street and by mid-day, I can tell I've done too much and I'm pretty worthless the rest of the day.
The hardest part about that, is feeling completely out of control of what I can and cannot do and even knowing what that is.
So he challenged me to start making a record of how far I go on a walk or whatever exercise, and note how I feel later in the day. Which I realize is more about my feelings of control than it is about my exercise.
So, my efforts to record and take note were kind of thwarted as I went to BYU's Women's Conference on Thursday and Friday. You end up doing more walking than you even realize you're doing and Thursday evening I was super tired, but Friday evening I was downright ill.
This fatigue is different than any I've felt before and it's hard to describe. I'm fatigued when I wake up even though I'm rested. But as the day goes on and I'm either physically or emotionally/mentally busy, it drains me to a point that is way past hitting my wall. I cannot think, I cannot function, I cannot do anything and it makes me nauseous.
So Friday evening I just went to bed and Kevin took care of everything. Saturday wasn't much different and I tried to rest, but I just want to fertilize my dang strawberries. (which I didn't do) Again by dinner time, I was nauseous and exhausted.
I've thrown up a few times the past few days and wonder if it's just my body reacting to fatigue, the chemo levels are higher or if it's because I kind of slacked on my water intake the past few days to help flush the chemo.
I'm paying attention, but don't feel any closer to knowing my limits and I think they may be different depending on the day. So it's quite frustrating. I'm going to try better to keep a record and maybe I'll see patterns or something?
