PET scan #2

So after Dr. Esplin literally fought with the insurance medical director and they sought a second opinion and after being approved and then the approval retracted twice, I finally went in for my second PET scan.

Pretty  much the same as last time. I found out the reason they don't let anyone in there with you or let you read or do anything, is because reading causes the sugar from the drink to go to my brain because it's more active.  They want as much of it as possible to go to the tumors. 

Had to wait the weekend, and got the results Monday night.

The results are mixed. Some good, some the same and some worse with a few new lesions.  I feel discouraged.  I was hoping for at least stable. 

The new plan of action is to put me into medically induced menopause by giving me shots to shut down my ovaries.

I also went in for a blood draw for Foundation one testing. I am not quite sure what this is yet, but I think it's kind of test that shows what certain drugs work best with your DNA.

So I will get a shot on Monday and continue Tamoxifen for another month and then when the Foundation one testing is in he'll switch from Tamoxifen to a different one.

I'm feeling discouraged and scared. I know it's not terrible news, but it is.  All cancer news is negative news.....unless it's positive :) All my "what if's surface." All my fears of the unknown start yelling at me in my head.  All my emotions about leaving my family, causing pain for my family, feeling like a burden to my family come to the surface and I mourn.

So I'll take a few days to feel it and then get back on the horse with a positive attitude.

To ask or not...that is the question

I haven't written much because there's not much to write about as far as Cancer is concerned.
I had my Dr's appointment 3 weeks ago and a couple days after, insurance called and told me my PET scan was approved. so I waited and waited for Huntsman to call. After a week, I called them and they told me my Dr's office hadn't sent the correct forms and they had requested them twice. Called my doctor's office and they tell me that insurance denied my PET scan. After several phone calls and requests, they finally approved it.
I am set for this Friday, July 5th. It's my birthday.  Fun present for my birthday right? I'm just glad I'm getting it done....finally. I'm nervous, however.
Last time I went, I was pretty sure my scan would show that I just had stage 3 breast cancer. Breast and lymph nodes only......then I learned it was everywhere.
I'm scared about this time and what it will show.

A couple weeks ago, Maili mentioned that she knows people are being nice, but she's tired of people asking her how I am doing. I told her it's because they not only care about me, but because they care about her. She knows that, but she says she just wants to forget about it sometimes and when people ask, it makes her remember.  I totally get that.  I have talked to a couple of other people that had and have mother's with terminal/chronic illnesses and they said the same thing. They would be okay until someone asked them.

I don't know what to do about that. I admit that I do the same thing. If I see a young girl or boy I ask them what I know about them and many times it's about their parents. I never stop to think that they just don't want to talk about it.  I'm going to try to do better.

I feel that way too sometimes when I feel like my cancer has become all I am. People ask me how I'm doing and I want to just say fine and leave it at that. But they want more....and honestly, I don't know if I would want them to quit asking altogether either. People can't win, I guess.  I don't know that there's a right or wrong.