Little of this, little of that

I've kind of been MIA from this blog......mostly because I'm busy with my kids and that's where I want to spend my time, but also because nothing is really new.

I had my Dr. appt. last Wednesday. It went pretty well. My tumor markers are still going up which worries me, but also he says that can also go up when they are being killed because they're released into your blood stream. 

He has ordered a PET scan for me and my insurance has approved it. I'm just waiting for the Huntsman Cancer institute to call for my appointment. I'm nervous, but mostly glad that I get to know what's going on.

Dr. Esplin says that we can always hope for shrinkage, but at this early in the game, we should hope for at least "stable"  That means no growth and probably no shrinkage  I'm really hoping at least for that, cause I'm tolerating my drugs so well that I hate to change them and have new ones not agree with me as well.

The past couple of New testament classes at church have been difficult for me as we've talked about the atonement and our trials.

All along, I have prayed for miracles and added that I would like to be blessed to be content with what he has planned for me....to want what He wants for me.  Right now, I'm not okay with the thought of dying, but if it's His will, then I'd like to get to a point of truly being able to say Nevertheless, not my will, but thine.

Even the Savior asked 3 times if it were possible to not have to drink of the cup, but he did it willingly anyway.  And what he was about to endure was a billion billion times worse than anything I will have to endure. Still, I'm struggling truly being okay with it.....especially since I don't know yet what His plans for me really are.