When I was first diagnosed, almost a year ago, I was reminded of a gal in my old ward/neighborhood, that had MBC. I knew her a little bit, and thought the world of her, but didn't know her really well.
However, in my need for answers, hope and needing some reassurance, I called her, or maybe she called me. She was so good at listening and helped me realize that it's possible to live WITH cancer.
Well, the year has gone on and things have changed with my cancer multiple times. My hopes and fears have been all over the place.
After my last scans, I was back in an emotional hole. Feeling lack of hope, fear of my future or lack thereof, mad at my body and frustrated with my stupid cancer that is more aggressive and complicated than I want/thought it would be.
So on Monday, my friend texted and came over for a visit. She brought treats and gifts etc. but most importantly, she brought hope. I don't think she even knows how much she helped me.
She has had MBC for 11 years! and most incredibly, she never had clear scans until last year! So she has been living and working and doing WITH cancer. It wasn't until just a year ago that she got her first clear scan!
She has had several surgeries over the years to remove tumors and at the beginning she had a double mastectomy and hysterectomy.
I know she told me this a year ago, but I hear so many stories of people's journeys and my brain is in such a fog that I forget who goes with which story.
Anyway, I guess in the whole dream I have of getting to the point of no evidence of disease, I get too focused on it. Her visit helped me realize that even if I don't get to a point of NED, I can still LIVE. I can still survive.
I started thinking about how my liver tumor IS shrinking, my bone lesions aren't going to kill me.....as long as they stay in the bones. even the cancer in my breast isn't going to kill me......at least not now. It's the cancer that spreads to my organs, etc. that I need to be most worried about, and right now it's okay. There are treatments for my lesions that aren't responding to chemo and I can be hopeful.
So I am. I'm focusing on the positive. Feeling more brave to fight and that is good for today.
This is a great goal! So glad you have a friend with a clear scan! Hugs and prayers for you!
ReplyDeleteLemons and Lemonade my Sister!!! Look for the positive no matter how small it may seem. Compared to the bigger picture small is huge!!! I love you, Pray for you and am here for you always!! Whatever you need. Whenever you need me I'll be there. <3 DEED
ReplyDeleteSending lots of Love! Thank you for the updates! I am thinking about you often!
ReplyDeleteKristi, I think of you often and think the world of you! I wish I knew how I could help but we are sending prayers your way EVERYDAY! Glad you have a great friend that knows exactly what you need!
ReplyDelete