There's so much that has happened in the past month that there's no way I could possibly write it all down.
The beginning of August, Kevin and I went on an anniversary trip to the Dominican Republic. We have always planned on doing a 20th anniversary trip, but with this being our 15th and not knowing what will be in 5 years, we are trying to have an attitude of "just do it now." The DR was the cheapest place for a last minute trip.
It was so nice to be with just Kevin for 6 days and we did a lot of resting and a little recreating.
Our trip was dampened by the death of our cute pup, Misty. She was hit by a car on our actual anniversary and died soon after. This made it hard to be away from home and we ended up calling more often than we would have. That made it kind of hard for me to really let go and relax, but it was still a great trip and time together.
I started to feel a little picked on with all that has happened this year. My family needs a break so badly and even when we purposely take one, we're not really given a break. I don't want to say that we can't handle anymore, because I'm scared of what else may happen to prove me wrong. With my mom's death, my cancer, Misty's death and many other things, this year has been awful and my little family just needs to be able to rest.
Two weeks ago, I had an appointment. Dr Esplin told me that he would wait to get my blood work back to see what my tumor markers were. If they were steady or even just a bit higher, we would stay the course, but if they were higher, we would have to change.
Well, they were higher.....sky higher. This means there's progression of my tumors and my treatments have failed.
My new treatment plan is a new chemo called Afinitor (everlimus) which is a pill I take everyday without breaks.
Once a month I get shots called Faslodex (2 shots in the tush) which is a kind of chemo that is basically an estrogen blocker.
I also get Zoladex shots once a month which puts me and keeps me in menopause.
Every 3 months I get Zometa, which is a bone strengthener.
I was handling Ibrance so well, and I've been on Afinitor for one week and it's been awful.
I have swirly head, extreme fatigue, heartburn, constipation and diarrhea. I get hungry, but no much tastes good. Hot flashes....oh the hot flashes. So far I haven't had the mouth ulcers that come with it. It can also cause weight gain or weight loss. I told Dr. Esplin that I would like to lose weight and he said he didn't want me to lose it with this cause it can go too far. To be honest, I figure I'll face that if and when it happens. I've got the one shots trying to make me gain weight so maybe they'll balance each other out?
It's been rough emotionally and I've gone through all the familiar fears of hopelessness that nothing is going to work for me. Scared that if something does work for me the side effects are going to make me so miserable. I'm scared for my kids, Kevin and myself. I received another priesthood blessing, and that was comforting. I wish I could do better at keeping that peace with me.
