Pain

 Well, had my appointment with Esplin. markers still went down. Just a couple points each, but it's still in the right direction. However, my pain was getting worse and worse.  He ordered me an MRI of that area and sure enough....

A tumor has eroded through my bone in my sacrum and is encapsulating my sciatic nerve.  Not sure what encapsulating means in this situation, but man it hurts.  Pain killers don't even help anymore.

So I met with the radiation oncologist. Dr McAllister.  I had to go several times and do CT's and x-rays to get everything lined up while they  did "planning"  Placing images over images, marking sharpie marks and stickers all over my abdomen, etc. Then last Friday, I had my first radiation.

Now that machine is the biggest I've seen yet.  I call her Big Bertha.  I lay down, (pants around my knees) The techs line me up and I lay there listening to 80's music and within 5 minutes I'm done. Don't feel a thing.

So now I am exactly half way through. I will get a total of 10 treatments and I go everyday except the weekends.

I asked the dr. how fast I could start feeling relief and he said anywhere from the first zap to 3 months. Everybody is different.

I guess, in my mind, I like to imagine this laser beam coming down and this big explosion of my tumor.  That would be cool, but no,  it's a slow death and depending on the strength of the tumor and the kind, etc. it may be 3 months.  

I have been praying for relief sooner rather than later.  I'm so drugged up, in pain and so so tired.

I'm so thankful for my ward (church congregation)  that are bringing in meals and building garden boxes for me.  People are so incredibly good.

I feel bad sometimes, because I have offers to take my kids to school, etc.  but Kinli has been having a rough time....she is worried about me a lot, so I try to make things as normal as possible for her.

sigh   have I mentioned how stupid cancer is?