Week ?

I've been wanting to write, but my kids have taken over all the computers and electronics in the house!

We've been quarantined now for 3 weeks and we're all going a bit crazy.

This week is Spring Break for school, so now I'm having to entertain them for even longer in the day.  I think they should just keep doing school and get it over with a week early instead of Spring Break.

Since I last wrote, I have had 2 chemo infusions and 1 doctor's appt.

Kevin hasn't been able to come with me. So he listened on the phone to Esplin.  Nothing very eventful at that visit.  He took my tumor markers and one went up again and one went down. So we wait another month.

Chemo is  Chemo.... the chairs are spread far apart and they took everyone that gets infusions for other things like MS or Chron's disease and put them in another room entirely and left it just for us cancer patients.  They do screening when you first walk in the building and at reception, but that's about it.  I guess I need to get a mask now.

It's been a crazy time and the focus has been so much on this virus and I wonder if anyone in my family will get it and then I wonder if I will get it, and then I wonder if I would survive it, and then I wonder if I'll survive my cancer and it's one eternal round.

It's been interesting to see how people react to this virus. Some just act like it's no big deal and some are so anxious it's crazy. It's a lot like cancer patients. Some people are at a place of "I've been doing this for 10 years and it's no big deal" and there's people that are brand new getting this diagnosis and their world is crumbling all around them. Then there's people like me.  I'm not quite as shocked as I was a year ago, but I'm still wondering if any of these treatments are going to work for me.  As far as my mets go, I'm in no better condition than I was a year ago. I'm not any worse at the moment either....except for losing my hair, my eyebrows, my eye lashes and having more pain when I try to do anything physical.

 I still struggle with thoughts of being ready to write letters to my girls for special occasions and not giving in to those thoughts because it makes me feel too sad.

I don't know what the Lord has in store for me, but this weekend was General Conference for my church and it was fabulous. Full of hope in the Savior, learning to "Hear Him."  Celebrating the 200th anniversary of The Savior and the Father appearing to the prophet Joseph Smith and hearing so many wonderful talks and testimonies.  I know it's all true and I'm thankful for that knowledge. It makes this disease and the fear of leaving my family that much easier. 

Tomorrow I have chemo and then a week off.