The diagnosis

The doctor called with my official diagnosis.  The good news, I guess, is that I don't have inflammatory breast cancer. The bad news is that I have Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. It has spread to my lymph nodes. We don't know yet what stage and if it has spread to other areas of my body. Oh please no.

The good news is this is the most common type of breast cancer. The bad news is this is breast cancer.
I have been trying to process it and it still doesn't seem real. I feel like I'm playing a part in a play. A very dark part in a very dark play.
The grade they gave is a grade 2. What does that mean?  Simply between a 1-3 on the abnormality of the cells. Mine are quite abnormal. Also, I read that it has to do with the growth rate. Not slow, not too super fast. Somewhere in between.

I spent all day yesterday on the phone. Some conversations with people I know who have gone through. One I talked with was very very bleak. She said while on Chemo, she went days sleeping and not knowing what what going on with her kids. I CANNOT do that.  I need my kids so much. I need to be a consciously involved mom. They need it. I need it.  Others I talked with weren't so bleak. Every one of them did say that Chemo is so wicked.


I have so many wonderful people that have already reached out. I am so grateful for each and every one of them. I just don't want it to be this way.  Part of me wants to hide in a hole until it all goes away, and part of me wants my friends to gather around me.

Today I meet my surgeon and will learn a lot more about my cancer and what to expect.