Thursday, June 6, 2019
The funeral
I've always liked funerals. It doesn't matter who it is or how good or bad they have been, the funeral is full of all the good about that person. They usually don't mention the misdeeds or flaws of character, just the good and that person is celebrated
Yesterday I went to my friend Heather's funeral. The one I mentioned in my last post. I had worried about going, thinking that it would be too hard with the sting of my diagnosis still fresh. I decided, however, that I could compartmentalize and go for Heather.
It was beautiful, but the moment I saw her two little girls walk in I just started to cry. I thought of my own sweet daughters walking with their amazing dad following my casket and it was hard. I managed to pull myself together and just listen to stories about Heather.
I may have written this before, but at this point in my journey, I'm not scared of death. I've read a lot and studied a lot and feel like I will be so okay when I die. I know I will be happy and safe. That's how I feel now, but ask me again when the time comes and I'll probably be full of fear. Anyway, right now I feel okay about how it will be for me when I die, but I worry about my family.
I don't want Kevin to have to go through losing a spouse and trying to take care of our children on his own. I've tried to talk to him about remarrying, but he won't talk about it. Regardless if he does or not, it doesn't make things any less painful. For him to be alone, for my daughters to have to endure losing their mother at such tender ages. I hate that thought and I pray everyday that I will be allowed to stay here long enough to raise them and if possible, see them marry. I want to grow old with Kevin. He is my favorite person, my everything and I want to grow old with him. I don't want him to grow old alone or with someone else.
I don't know how long I have, I don't know when it will be that there are no new treatments to try, but I hope that day is far far away.
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Hello sister Kristi. I am a Pastor from Mumbai, India. I am glad to stop by your profile on the blogger and the blog post. I am also blessed and feel privileged and honoured to get connected with you as well as know you and your struggles with breast cancer. I am so moved by your post on Funeral and witnessing the funeral of your friend Heather and seeing her two little girls walking in and you by seeing them broken in to trears being suddenly reminded of your two daughters with amazing Dad Kevin following your casket which was obviously very heard for you to imagine due to the cancer you have. I am also moved by your sincere desire to have long life to live with your husband and care your two daugheters. I am so moved by your sharing that I strongly felt to assure you with my prayers for you to be healed completely. God can heal you of this dreaded sickness. My nephew (brother's son) who is a physican and had testical cancer when he was just 30 yrs of age. Since he and his wife too are physicans they both went through medical test and found out his reports were positive. He was immediately taken for surgery to remove one of the testicals with its lear around. Since it was a primary stage, surgen said that he does not go through any chemotherepy but after one year past he again sensed little rough surface immarging, when he again went for test it was found that the cancer was reoccoured. Both husband and wife were so much shaken by it with their just 2 and half year daughter. Again he was taken for surgery and the another lear was removed but this time surgeon did not want to take any risk and suggested him to go for chemotherepy. He knew the side effects of it and was reluctant to go for it but surgeon said you can not avoid chemotherepy. This time we all were praying so much and we claim life for him. I received a promise from the Lord through Psalm 91:14 ". God has healed him completely and he is totally out of it and enjoying his familly life and his two daughers have grown up the oldest doing her Bachelor's degree in Destistry and the younger is in 10th grade. He and his family love the Lord and serve the Lord when ever they have opportunity to minister the Word of God. He has also written book on his cancer which is in our mother tongue. I am insisting him to publish it in English so that many will be benifited ny it. It is written with a christian perspective. Well I am sure it will be a blessing to many if it is translated in English. Looking forward to hear from you very soon. My email id is: dhwankhede(at)gmail(dot)com and my name is Diwakar Wankhede. God's richest blessings on you, your family and friends.
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