Hair today gone tomorrow

It's been awhile since I've updated. I just haven't wanted to.
I made it through Christmas and mom's 1 year death anniversary. I can't believe she's been gone 1 year already. Hitting the year mark is hard because before that, you can say, last year mom said this or we did this with mom.  Now that a year has past, I feel further from her.

I have now finished 8 treatments of Taxol. Not gonna lie, I absolutely hate it. I just don't want to do it anymore.

I had scans on January 3rd. CT and Bone scans.  My bones are stable.  No growth, no regression. I was hoping for regression.  My liver lesion has shrunk a bit.  I have a lesion in the middle of me in the retroperitoneal lymph nodes which is behind my intestines and closer to my back bone than my belly button that has been growing consistently for that past few scans. It's about the size of a large plump grape. and some others near it that are growing too.
My breast doesn't seem to be responding to the chemo.

Overall, he said that my cancer is very heterogeneous....which just means that the tumors all have their own DNA and so we haven't been able to find a treatment that works for all of them.  It frustrates me. and discourages me.  Maybe I need to be more realistic about my expectations.  I keep hoping for miracles and regression.  My goal is to get to a point of No evidence of disease anywhere and then just stay on the maintenance drugs for years and years while the cancer sleeps.  Maybe that's not realistic, but it's still my dream.

So, he doesn't want to jump ship too early with any of my treatments AND my tumor markers are coming down so we will stick with Taxol until the end and then go from there.
I'm pretty sure we'll have to do radiation on my breast, because it's just not responding well.

I thought I was in the clear with hair loss as nothing happened until after treatment number 6. So it has been coming out but not in clumps. I definitely can feel and see a difference at how thin it is, but some others can't.  I assume with 4 more treatments to go that it will continue to come out and I will be bald.
It's interesting with all the scariness of cancer, how worried I am about my hair.

The first day, I stood in the shower and ran my hands through my hair and had so much come out and I stood there and cried.  Now it's just daily that I get lots coming out.

My hardest days after chemo seem to be Tuesdays and Thursdays, however, I'm feeling yucky pretty much everyday now. I can tell that I'm not bouncing back as easily and the "poision" is taking it's toll on me.  So far, Saturdays are my best days.

Hopefully that catches everyone up at where I'm at.  Here's to 4 more infusions of Taxol poison! blech